Topping the Stupid Things I Have Done List-

A visit to the clairvoyant. Before I begin let me just say I know that it really was a foolish thing to do.  But my friend had seen her, and she was spot on for her.  And, well, I needed to hear something positive; I needed some hope.

So off I trotted. To the middle of no where. This time I didn’t get lost.

She told me that I’m not putting in 100% at work, I am capable of so much more. Sounds very general, doesn’t it? Not a great start because I’m not working full-time, and I don’t want too.

Some connection with horses was seen. Horses? Nope, not me, not my family, not my friends. She tried harder, maybe way, way back in my family history? I really only know back to my great grandparents and since they were all from London I can’t really see it myself.

Then she saw a move, in 2-3 years time. A big one, not just interstate but possibly “across water.” It’s more authentic if they say it that way, isn’t it? “You will build up to it,” she said. Maybe this is my half formed plan to go and live in France for a while.

Right, so far nothing to elicit great anticipation so I had to ask. “Er, relationships? Can you tell me anything about relationships?” Again, I wasn’t putting in 100%, I was bit half hearted, something about being half hearted on the home front.

So I explained I wasn’t in a relationship but wanted to be in one. She saw nothing.

“Marriage?” I queried. Nope, nothing.

I refused to tell her about my late husband but it’s possible I did get a little teary. Then she comes back with the observation that I won’t be moving overseas by myself, someone will “tag along.” Great, that sounds like something solid. Not.

But until then, no relationship. At this point the thought of being by myself for the next 3 years made me feel very lonely.

“Really? Nothing?” I asked, not wanting to believe her and yet for some bizarre reason believing this woman knows my destiny.

“Maybe you’re not trying hard enough,” she commented.

“I try harder than anyone I know,” I countered. I join things, I go out, I do on-line dating, I’m willing to go on blind dates. . .

“Maybe you’re looking in the wrong places,” she said.

Really, I thought. So where would be the right places? I’d love to know. At this point I decided I needed to leave. Shouldn’t have gone in the first place.

What I don’t understand is why I am so willing to believe her? Is it because it was obvious what I wanted to hear- I wanted to hear that there was a relationship there for me- and she didn’t tell me that there was one there. Does her “inability” to see me in a relationship in the near future somehow make her seem more authentic?

Anyway, I was unaccountably sad after seeing her. I think I’m OK now, although if I knew where to go to have my head examined I’d go there.