Saturday, 19 May 2012

I'm impressed

To paraphrase Cher from Clueless: I must give myself snaps for partying two days in a row. I am definitely not as old as I thought I was. (And don't be thinking that means I'm gonna tell you how old I turned when I had my birthday - involuntarily - on the 17th.) 

When my birthday hit a couple of days ago I resisted my natural tendency to avoid doing anything and organised dinner with a friend. Then work said she had to work so she had to cancel and I decided to go out drinking and dancing with another friend. Then I made the fatal error of saying I'd see who else I could rustle up for the 'celebration.'

Now being somewhere in my 40s I have very few friends who want to go out clubbing midweek they're all so responsible. Or married with kids. Or have given up their clubbing ways long, long ago. As I stressed about this I eventually came up with a handful of friends who were happy to come out. Phew,  pressure's off - I do stress about these things. We ate sushi first and then hit the nightclub and danced, danced, danced. It was fun.

The next night I went out again drinking. (I am doing too much drinking, for sure.) I was totally impressed with myself for being out there partying again. I thought I might be past all that but not so. I chatted to various people and even met a man who had been married three times. Three times? That's very impressive if inexplicable.

What, was he such a romantic that he rushed off to the altar on a frequent basis? Where did he find three women he wanted to marry? I've only managed to find one man and these days I can't even find a man I'd like to date more than once. 

Anyway, was meant to go out again tonight to see an 80s band but just could not muster up the enthusiasm. The trouble seems to be that I go along to the Friday drinks thing and chat to people. That part is OK, it's the part where I start focusing on looking for eligible men that is my undoing. 

I have met lots of interesting women, who have become friends, but fewer interesting men.  Some of the men have been a little strange too. One of them started a fight with my friend because she interrupted him. Others have been married three times - I know I've already said that. Sorry, I just can't get over it. Others flirt with me and then don't follow through, at all. But next time they're all keen to flirt with me again. It's all very mystifying. The women have been interesting, a lot of them anyway, there's one or two who don't won't give you the time of day but many of them have been lovely. 

It can get very disheartening when you start looking for someone to date in the crowd. At some undetermined point I started to do just that. I wonder how I go back to just enjoying being out and chatting? I must stop looking, looking, looking. It's exhausting and demoralising. 

So tonight it's just me and my new best friend: Whitman. 

This is what my sister thinks I need for my birthday. That's MORE than 1kg of chocolate. Who in their right mind needs that much chocolate? I've had to give it a room of its own it's so big.

We'll sit around on the couch and try not channel surf, just me and Whitman. I won't be looking for hot men on the TV.  I'm going to be all grown up about it and just stop bloody well looking for a man.

(Yeah, yeah, you can stop laughing now.)


  1. Replies
    1. Terra, thanks. Fingers crossed- always :-)

  2. What would I know, I've been with the same bloke since 1979. However, I met him when I had seriously stopped looking and was sick of the whole game. My daughter was with the same bloke for 5 years. It ended because she wanted to 'experience being single'. She really wasn't looking. Surprisingly, she met the love of her life, or so it seems.

    Stella, forgive my cliches. Just sayin'. (And I'm jet-lagged!) I know, I should butt-outski.


    1. Pfft! It'd be no fun if you butt-outski'd.

      Would actually love to 'stop looking' but not sure how to do that. I end up feeling lonely, surprise, surprise. And believe it or not, my counsellor says that comes from my childhood when i was the little adult in the house, not a kid, and spent a lot of time organising my sister and my mother and being responsible etc etc. There's more there but no one really wants to read all about my pathetic pathologies.
      A feeling of lack of family, lack of anyone looking out for me as I grew up has left me thus: half enjoying being single but DESPERATELY wanting to be 'with' someone.
      Meh. THere are worse things in life. I know, I've seen them. At least I get to hang on in here and keep trying.
      Thanks for caring and commenting anyway.
      Stella xx