Have bounced back, somewhat, after yesterday's post ably assisted by the counsellor I visit once in a while to check on my emotional health. Suprisingly it's pretty good, although she says I should use the following phrase for my screensaver:
I must not be so hard on myself!
OK, so I'll try.
I briefly related my latest dating adventure with Mr Narcissus and she also shook her head and exclaimed in disbelief at his behaviour. (Always good to have your counsellor do that; makes you feel like you're not the crazy one.)
Quick as a flash she points out that he's got issues - phew, I thought it was just me - and that he hasn't resolved at least a couple of issues when it comes to women. Eg the fact that an early girlfriend deceived him for years about her true age, and the fact that his wife left him while he was posted overseas, for his cousin. They're still together.
At the time I thought his wife taking the kids and deserting him was w-a-y harsh, as they say. Yes, I still think it's harsh but now I wonder what the other side of the story was; what was in his behaviour that led to this situation. But more importantly I wonder how she could see that so clearly while I had to muddle through a couple of dates with him until I figured it out. Hindsight I guess.
She was also agog at the news that he knew the MOS. "Did he shed any light on the MOS' behaviour?" she wanted to know. Well, no. I didn't encourage a long conversation about him.
Then we got onto me.
But it was interesting to hear her professional opinion of these men. And it's making me think a bit more about some of the people I've met and that sometimes just giving it your best shot isn't going to be enough. For example, any fool could see that a man who chooses to work overseas, for several years now, coming home for a couple of weeks every six weeks, is seriously not looking for a relationship. He is someone who is happy being quite solitary, and not looking for commitment. Sometimes I shouldn't listen to my girlfriends when they encourage me to pursue someone; although to my credit I did initially try to tell him I didn't want to meet him. Actually, I did try and stop it on more than one occasion.
Someone I've swapped emails with has concluded that most people on this dating site are "broken and busted." I wonder if that's true? I wonder if anyone comes out of a marriage not busted and broken? Do they resolve their issues? Are they capable of moving on?