Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Men do not like to be deceived

Right - I have been too weighed down by inconsiderate and tackless men to blog of late. Still, perhaps a little venting will help.

I last noted that the new bloke knew the old bloke, ie the MOS. Not that the MOS could be classified as a relationship or anything. I also noted that I thought the new bloke didn't want a relationship either.

On that note I was wrong.

Continuing on from our last date, we had dinner, we had drinks, we played pool, the date ended. (OK there was a little hanky panky, then the date ended.) I figured he wasn't very interested, it's not like he asked me out again. In fact, hardly asked me anything about me but was happy to speak about himself.

So he's narcissistic: I figured that, he's got his own fully equipped gym, is also a trained personal trainer as well as his day job. He works out every day, and sometimes twice a day.

Granted he looks very hot. I have forgotten all about Steve from Hawaii 5-0 but am thinking I should resurrect that obsession as men on TV are far less likely to hurt me.

Anyway, the date ended I figured I wouldn't be hearing from him again and besides I should want something better for myself. I had almost convinced myself of this when he texts me to ask if he can ring me that night.

I wonder why but a little smidgen of hope is fanned in my heart. I am nothing if not completely pathetic.

So Mr Narcissus rings me eventually and after some awkward chit chat - again mainly about him - he confesses that he wasn't completely truthful with me on Friday when he'd said he didn't want a relationship, just sex. Turns out he is looking for a long-term relationship but decided he didn't want one with me.

I am completely flabbergasted that he would even bother to ring and tell me this. I actually asked why he rang. He claims it was the courteous thing to do. Really? Courteous?

I laughed at him and told him he had a hide ringing me to confess he'd be deceptive with me. When we made contact I'd confessed that I'd been "circumspect" about my age. He took me to task and told me a past girlfriend had lied about her age for years, as a result he doesn't like deception.

Are you following all this? I think this sums it up:

  • He doesn't like deception.
  • During a date he tells me that he "can't guarantee" a relationship with me but he does want sex with me.
  • Then he rings me three days later to tell me that he wasn't truthful with me.
  • He actually does want a relationship - just not with me. 

Bemused I got off the phone. Later I text him and told him he was a narcissist inside and out, and that I figure rang me to tell me that he does actually want a long term relationship, not just sex, so that he doesn't look bad. Or something.

He texts back to tell me that he didn't deceive me, and I shouldn't put all the blame on him, and that he respects me and was just being courteous.

I couldn't help myself and text back with the following:
Didn't you just ring me to tell me you weren't truthful with me the other night? My mistake. Oh, and good to know you hold me in the highest respect.

Clearly I am doing something wrong. Perhaps I need to vet all future men to see if they know the MOS because I suspect they're all the same. A friend at work read the texts and decided he's got "issues."

I've spent the last couple of days feeling a bit bludgeoned, bewildered and beaten but will no doubt bounce back. Or take up drinking. Or swear off on-line dating.

Or swear off men who work for the Federal Police - apparently the MOS actually works for the Federal Police too, but under the umbrella of the UN in East Timor. (Mr Narcissus tells me that means that technically the MOS wasn't lying to me when he said he worked for the UN.)

Really, can you believe my love life at all? It's not even a 'love life' and it's still a complete mess.


  1. I have nothing helpful to say. People suck. I wish I knew where there was a batch of good single men but I don't.

  2. Think I'd be swearing off the on-line dating after that tool. Feel for you!

  3. Not what you want to hear, but as soon as I decided to quit the online dating world and concentrating on just having fun, I found Mr Right (well, ok..Mr He'll do/I can work with that!)
    Don't beat yourself up. To coin a cliche - it's not you, it's them! mwah x

  4. NQ- that's OK, I didn't really have anything useful to say either. My first reaction was to laugh. So I did. My counsellor did have useful things to say, like: "this guy has issues by the bucketful". So, that was relief! It's not just me. ;-)
    Frady- yeah, got on it again today but my enthusiasm has gone.
    Lucy- Thanks dear. Over Christmas/holiday period I am definitely just gonna concentrate on having fun.