Saturday, 17 September 2011

Sarcasm and being single

Tired of internet dating, I got out. I was so disappointed in it that I resolved not to go back for at least a month.

That lasted for about 4 days - I have no staying power whatsoever. I’m clinging to the slim hope that I might meet someone nice. I don’t run into a lot of new men in my other activities. It’s the same old people at school, and lunch/dinner/drinks with friends never nets any new men. The problem might be where I live- up here in the hills, miles from town, it’s more likely to be families than single people, plus the occasional hippy.

Lots of us teachers live up here too. But professionals who work in town generally don’t want to spend an hour on the train getting there. They tend to live closer to town. I always see the same men at the gym, and Bikram tends not to attract men; yoga’s not one of those activities men flock to do.

As usual the internet dating thing is never simple. On an excursion the other day a fellow teacher tells me that her partner’s friends also do internet dating- they are much younger than me. The bad news is they often reject women because they look too attractive in their photos, “Not her, mate, too good looking.”

Really? So should I find my worst photo and put it up? How are you meant to know what to do?

Other advice I’ve been given which would explain why I am single includes:
  • I’m too fussy.
  • I intimidate men. (Actually, a guy I was seeing told me this.)
  • I’m superficial and need to have at least 3 dates before I decide whether or not I’m attracted to someone.
  • The dog should be an outside dog- that’s old advice actually but the theory was that a man would be put of by the dogs.
  • I’m too independent.

Reasons why I think I’m single:
  • Men are stupid. (I’m an excellent catch and anyone would be pleased to have me.)
  • I’m full of myself.
  • I’m too sarcastic.

Anyway, I figure I may as well be back on there. I re-wrote my profile description too. There’s a teeny chance that it might sound a little sarcastic, but just a slim one.

 Stella x


  1. I don't think most men are put off my dogs

  2. Well, as they say, "Must love dogs!"

  3. just realised I put a typo in that comment. I meant "by" dogs. I only have a cat and three parrots

  4. So far, it doesn't sound like you're getting rejected much, so the problem might not be you. YOU'RE the one doing the rejecting, and likely rightly so! The problem is finding the right guy and I'm not sure where they all hide.

  5. Nursemyra- you must be a friend of alonewithcats then! Glad you came back because it's more fun if you explain that you have a cat and three parrots. Me? I'd get put off by the parrots- I am TRES scared of birds.

    NQ- well, no I guess not. The problem is in finding the right guy- you are correct. Speaking of which, guess who emailed me? I will probably have to blog about it now. . . because I just know I'm going to want to see him. . . and he's back for THREE whole months this time. Sigh. I haven't responded to him yet though.

  6. I don't envy you. I'd hate to be in that position.

    If you do get together again, for his time away, I suggest scheduling daily (or every other day...) calls/video chats, at a regular times, via skype maybe, with no expectation of any other emails, texts, or calls being answered in between.

    My two cents (of which you probably have thousands of dollars worth by now ;) )

    Or heck, maybe you'll see each other and you'll decide you don't like him so much now and having him go will be a good thing! ;)

    Or you could still abstain.... and avoid "whatchamacallit" street ;)

  7. stupid men... I'm on a break from all things dating, until such time as I feel I can face it again.

    Did the being superficial comment and needing 3 dates to decide whether you find someone attractive come together? They would seem to be contrary statements!

    I have been told I'm too logical... How can you be too logical? I'm also too educated, weird, fat, picky, cerebral, funny and unshockable for men to find me attractive.

    I probably raise a single eyebrow too often too.
    Stupid men... why are they too stupid to see we're amazing!!

  8. Aunty,
    They are stupid, aren't they? Yes, actually the general consensus was that I was dismissing a certain man too quickly and I really should get to know him first by having three dates with him.
    The rest were just a collection of "feedback" I've had over the years. Helpfully, my old in-laws also thought I was too independent and that I should've been a living-in-my-husband's-pocket-type-of-wife. My husband, of course, thought I was the bee's knees, so not everyone thinks that!
    I know, how can you be too logical? Unless you're Spock I spose. . . too educated. . . sounds very cool to me, Dr Aunty, as does the ability to raise a single eyebrow!
    Good luck with the dumb men; hang out for one who knows that you are amazing!
    Stella x

  9. NQ- sounds advice, as your advice often is but I suspect he wanted to be in the position of power and let me think that he was interesting. . .but then just not follow through. . .
    Of course it may be that I am overanalysing. . .again. . .
    Stella x

  10. Wait. WAIT. What? I'm not supposed to put an attractive picture of myself on my profile? Well color me surprised! I thought I was supposed to put a nice, attractive picture of myself on the site. Hmm.

    I usually need about 2 dates to tell if I'm attracted to the chap. And I knew online dating wasn't simple before I got online, but I do wish I'd known to what extent this process wouldn't be simple! It's so intense sometimes!